GENDER SOCIALIZATION

Today’s blog is about something that I have been fighting for since the past few years. In the process I have upset people, had arguments, and sometimes have cried, not because they proved me wrong but because I was not able to communicate my thoughts about it clearly to them.

But me being me, I always get so charged up when it comes to gender that often I come across as a ‘the social changer’ or ‘badi aai, society badalne chali thi’. And to be honest, my secondary aim is to be one, because I truly believe in “be the change you want to see in the world” but primarily it is to aware people of their subtle behaviours which promote gender stereotypes. And, it is actually not their fault either because they haven’t been exposed to that kind of information. But to change with time has been the law for eternity and therefore here am I trying to help you do that.

Gender socialization is a process by which individuals are taught how to behave socially in accordance with their gender which was assigned at birth. Now, before going on to discuss gender socialization in detail, I would first like to address the difference between sex and gender. Yes! There is a difference. How many of us have blindly ticked the option of male or female without checking what they were asking in the hundreds of forms we have filled- sex or gender?

So sex is what we are born with anatomically and biologically. In simpler words, which reproductive organs we have and therefore sex can be either male or female. Gender on the other hand is socially determined identity based on society’s conception of masculinity or femininity and therefore exists on a continuum. Based on this difference lies the foundations of gender socialization and is called so and not sex socialization.

WHEN DOES GENDER SOCIALIZATION BEGIN?

Gender socialization begins right from the birth of the child and continues for the entire lifespan. If it’s a boy, he would have blue clothes, blue watch, blue would be the colour of the bedroom, blue bicycle. If it’s a girl, she would have (you might have guessed!) pink dress, pink cradle, pink pencil box, pink hairbands. What happens here is that a child is conditioned to believe that boys can’t have pink as their favourite colour and girls can’t have their watches blue. But at the end they are just colours, they don’t differentiate among themselves, then why are we?

WHERE AND HOW DOES IT CONTINUE?

As the child grows up, gender socialization is integrated into their play. A girl is given dolls and their kitchen sets to play with while boys are given cars and video games, when indoors. I am sure most of us have played ‘ghar-ghar’. Do you remember what role did you play? I am sure if you were a girl, you were definitely a house-wife taking care of the baby doll and if you were a boy you were going to work, asking your wife to get tea for you.

What you were doing was simply an imitation of the adults that you saw around you. So the adults of the house we were again conditioning their children to believe that this is how it is and interchange of the roles is a difficult process (not an impossible one).

Another area where gender socialization plays a role is in the expression of our emotions. How many of the boys/men out there were asked to not cry? Or even worse- to not cry as a girl? implicating that it is okay for a girl to cry but it is not acceptable for boys to show that they are upset. They have to be strong and BE A MAN! Why? Don’t they have emotions? Don’t they have a right to express what they are feeling?

As a result of being encouraged to be non-expressive, they internalize their emotional reactions and seek to be autonomous, aggressive and competitive. And then we as a society blame them for growing up to be having toxic masculinity, I mean what do you expect?

On the other hand, girls are encouraged to be nurturing, caring and emotionally expressive. Contrary to men, they aren’t encouraged to show their anger because that’s not how a girl is supposed to behave! That’s not feminine enough! Only men has the right to beat up a women when he is angry but a women has to bear it without saying a word.

I hope you’ll are understanding that it’s not about the gender inequality (don’t get me started on that, it would take up all together another write-up), but how one emotional expression is okay for one gender but not for another. Every human being has the right to express what they are feeling. Period.

To know more about emotions click here

As we become adults and are moving towards our career choices we have people coming up with statements, which are also a result of gender socialization. If you are girl they don’t expect you to be an engineer or in army. And if you are a boy they don’t expect you to be a chef or a classical dancer.

After breaking all these gender stereotypes and shutting up hundreds of mouths and entering the work force of your choice (opposite to the societal expectations), it’s not easy to survive there. Any mistake or failure will be attributed to the gender and not to the ability or any of the 100 other reasons.

For instance, a women entrepreneur or a women politician would be constantly told not to be outspoken or ‘this is not a girl’s task’ (yeh ek ladki se nai hoga). On the other hand a boy aspiring to take up humanities (arts) or wanting to be a hairstylist would be looked down upon and would be considered ‘too sensitive’ to be MAN. At the end, it should be a matter of only and only choice.

All these examples led the children to believe that gender stereotyping is normal. And if, if the child or an adolescent is not conforming to these gender roles he/she is under a lot of stress which could also led to an identity crisis. Their mental health is on stake. Constantly being told that ‘you are a girl, you can’t do this’ or ‘this is not what a man is supposed to do’ leads to a conditioning process. This conditioning process gets ingrained so much in our personalities that as we move on to become adults we start fearing things that are not in accordance with the gender roles.

AGENTS OF SOCIALIZATION:

PARENTS: 

Parents to a child is like water to a plant- one that helps the child grow, bloom and help them emerge as beautiful human beings. They are the first source of information for the child about gender and therefore it is very important for the parents to adopt appropriate behaviours for their child to imitate them.

In households, where husband takes all the decisions how can one expect the girl to not be submissive while playing ‘ghar-ghar’. And even in household, where parents emphasize gender equality may inadvertently reinforce some stereotypes due to their own gender socialization.

SCHOOLS:

How many of you boys got the punishment to sit between two girls for not completing your homework or for misbehaving? How many of your schools did not prefer girls and boys sitting together? I am sure many of our schools did. Schools play a very significant role in gender socialization as a child spends most of their time there (after homes).

When a teacher displays behaviours like these they tend to reinforce these developing beliefs in the children. And if you are wondering how am I able to have such thoughts, it is because I have been blessed enough to have teachers who have been gender-neutral in their dealings with students.

PEERS:

‘A man is known by the company he keeps’ is very rightly said. Children playing together exhibit a lot of information which could also include these beliefs and attitude about gender. For example, a girl playing football could be discouraged by a boy who thinks of it as a ‘boy sport’ which could be coming from his socialization and in turn influences the girl’s belief systems.

We are born to parents who we can’t choose, same goes for teachers or our boss. But friends are the only people we are allowed to choose and therefore one should be careful while doing so.

MEDIA:

Media exposure including TV, movies, books play a very important role in today’s world driven by technology. A child is now born with the knowledge of how to use their fingers on a phone. Certain TV shows promote gender stereotypes by showing men and women in the traditional gender roles. Movies that show a typical heroine looking for a man so that she feels complete or even vice-versa promotes this idea and unknowingly influences the beliefs of the viewers.

Yes! There have been changes in the way media now portrays the characters, but the reach of these kind of films is still less. So it is important for us as viewers to be careful of what we are watching and even more careful of what we show our children or our younger siblings.

EFFECT OF GENDER SOCIALIZATION ON MENTAL HEALTH:

Social restrictions imposed on both men and women result in a decline of their mental health. For women, restrictions on dressing, diet, mobility, education and social ostracism led to increased levels of anxiety and depression. Women working in male-dominated space and not able to break the glass ceiling exaggerates these episodes. Trying to achieve a work-life balance is even harder for a working women as she is also expected to come back home, take care of the children, cook, clean etc., which further increases the level of stress and burnout rates. Irritation, fatigue and other stress related issues are also frequent.

Men on the other hand, tend to internalize their emotions and as a result are more vulnerable to depression and anxiety (because of not getting an outlet for their feelings). Specific diagnoses also include substance abuse, sexually related disorders and antisocial behaviour.

AND I KNOW THINGS ARE CHANGING…….

But it’s still a long way to go and for that I need your help. After reading this I guess you are aware of the subtle ways in which gender socialization occurs and where we need to raise our voices.

So next time when people say ‘Hey, don’t be a girl and Man up!’ or ‘you are a women, you will have to sacrifice a little’ ask them why they think so. Most of them wouldn’t have answers. Make them aware of this process. A chain of these thoughts would be of great help. I don’t know if you guys are aware of it or not, but in this lockdown I have seen a change in these traditional gender roles. Hope we are able to continue this practice even after all this is over.

Secondly, challenges of only two genders are discussed here. The LGBTQ+ community faces a lot more challenges on everyday basis. Acceptance and sensitivity needs to be increased for a world to be a better place.

To know more about their challenges read this

Lastly, I would just like to leave my readers with one question:

“HOW CAN I CONTRIBUTE SO THAT THIS WORLD VALUES EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING FOR BEING HUMAN?”

Share your thoughts in the comment section below. Thank you! 

And, if you haven’t read my previous blog, here is the link

REFERENCES:

• https://www.thoughtco.com/gender-socialization-definition-examples-4582435
• Development across Life Span by Robert S. Feldman