Raising a child is definitely ‘not’ a piece of cake. At one moment the child is all happy and cheerful and the very next moment he/she flips out with rage- crying, yelling, stomping, and totally out of control. Dealing with the child’s terrible twos and bedtime blues can be challenging and can stress out the parents. So here is a blog on 8 Effective, Preventive, and Coping strategies for Temper Tantrums.
Try putting yourself in your little one’s shoes; do you wonder how frustrating it is to be unable to express the feelings or emotions that you don’t even understand?
What do TEMPER TANTRUMS mean?
Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts spanning for short periods. They are also referred to as meltdowns or fits. They occur most commonly in children aged between 1 to 3 years. Temper tantrums are a common occurrence in 80% of the children. They are found to be equally common in both girls and boys.
How are Temper Tantrums displayed?
Children exhibit temper tantrums by the means of verbal or physical display, or both. Mostly, they can be sudden and unpredicted. There are no specific symptoms of temper tantrums as they are expressed differently by each child. The symptoms are likely to change as the child grows and develops.
The general expression of temper tantrums in children are as listed below-
- Crying excessively
- Rolling on the ground
- Running around
- Running off to hide
- Swinging arms and legs
- Screaming
- Hitting and Punching
- Kicking
- Breath-holding
- Tightening of the body
- Biting
- Pinching
- Pouting with annoyance
- Refusing to respond to the parents
Why do Temper Tantrums occur? – Are they normal?
The answer is YES! Temper tantrums are absolutely normal in the toddler phase. In this ‘terrible twos’ phase, the prefrontal cortex of children has not yet developed. This part of the brain carries out the cognitive function. It is also responsible for understanding the consequences of actions and impulse control. It develops as the child grows.
Do children throw Temper Tantrums deliberately?
When kids throw temper tantrums, they have no intention to embarrass or upset their parents. Children resort to temper tantrums as their social and emotional skills are just starting to develop in the toddler phase. They often find it difficult and confusing to express and control their emotions. Thus, resorting to tantrums is one of the ways that kids express and manage feelings, and try to understand and change the situation that’s going around them.
When do Temper Tantrums end?
Mostly, the temper tantrums diminish as the child grows older, when he/she learns more appropriate ways to communicate and express. But at times, even the older children may lash out. The reason behind it could be that they haven’t yet learned more appropriate ways to express or manage their feelings or it could possibly be a learned behavior to get what they desire.
What are the causes of Temper Tantrums?
The causes of temper tantrums can be many. They can be prominent as well as petty and unreasonable at times.
Below mentioned are some of the causes of temper tantrums.
1. Four corners
The four most common reasons a child could be throwing temper tantrums are hunger, lack of sleep, tiredness, and sickness. These are the feelings a child is unable to make sense of or communicate verbally; thus he/she may get flustered and have a meltdown.
2. Parting of the ways
A child as young as 10 months is able to notice when the parent or the caregiver attempts to leave him/her. This understanding grows and peaks in the toddler phase of life. The child throws temper tantrums so that the parent or the caregiver does not go away and stays to protect him/her. The child experiences separation anxiety and feels insecure and betrayed by the caregiver, responding to which he/she throws a fit.
3. Seeking attention and power
A child may lash out when he/she notices that nobody is paying attention to him/her and things are not going as per his/her desire. The tantrums would not only seek attention but also have control of whatever is going around him/her even if it is beyond his/her understanding and power.
4. Lack of patience
When a child is trying to learn some new activity or skill, they are unable to do it properly and may fail. The lack of patience and an inability to accomplish the task could lead to frustration; hence resulting in temper tantrums.
5. Failure to fulfill desires
When a parent or a caregiver is unable to fulfill a child’s wishes and demands, the child may express his/her disappointment and anger by throwing a fit.
6. Lack of verbal expression
A child may resort to temper tantrums when he/she wishes to express emotions but unable to do so verbally.
7. Fearful encounters
At such a young age, the children are unable to differentiate between fact and fantasy. This may result in fear and stress when something happens beyond their understanding or appear as unpleasant. They resort to temper tantrums when they encounter incomprehensible events or things such as darkness, loud noises, huge objects, wild animals, clowns, ghosts, dragons, etc.
8. Overstimulation
Hyperactivity, excessive body movement, overwhelming feelings, and emotions could lead to tiring, irritability, and draining of energy in a child. This overstimulation and exhaustion would hence result in hurling temper tantrums in a child.
Hence, temper tantrums differ in cause, frequency, severity, and expression in every child.
Types of Temper Tantrums
As emphasized above, temper tantrums are classified into two types- Normal and Problematic.
- Normal temper tantrums are not very intense or violent. The meltdown is just for a few minutes until the child’s desire gets fulfilled or dismissed by his/her parent or caregiver and the child is back to normal.
- Problematic temper tantrums are considered as an issue of concern if a child has frequent meltdowns, like more than five per day, or inflicts harm to self or others. Also, the causes could be different in this case and more severe too. In such a scenario, the child may be unable to cope or prevent temper tantrums. The reasons for problematic temper tantrums could be
- Parental conflicts
- Poor parenting skills
- Disabling diseases
- Physical difficulties
- Mental disorders
- Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
In the case of problematic temper tantrums, the parents or the caregiver should seek professional counseling and healthcare services for their child.
8 Effective, Preventive and Coping strategies for Temper Tantrums
There are no foolproof ways to prevent temper tantrums, but below listed are some effective strategies to cope with the meltdowns.
1. Establish a consistent schedule
Chalk out a daily routine so that your child knows what to expect and is prepared for the same. Follow and stick to the schedule as much as possible, comprising proper mealtime and bedtime. Layout reasonable limits and follow them regularly.
2. Plan in advance
Run errands when your child isn’t likely to be hungry, sleepy, tired, or agitated. If the chores are expected to take a long time then pack a snack or a small toy to keep your child occupied and distracted.
3. Talk to your child
Convey to your child what you expect from them and how they are expected to behave in certain situations and places. Communicate your expectations in a way that they can understand effectively.
4. Playtime
Indulge your child in various games and activities which would keep him/her occupied and would help in developing new skills and hobbies.
5. Compliment the good behavior
Praise your child when he/she behaves well. Admire and compliment when your child displays good behavior. Express how proud you are when he/ she obeys and follows directions.
6. Freedom to make choices
Avoid saying “no” to everything your child wishes to do. Let your child have a sense of control and independence to make choices. It can be as simple as letting the child choose what clothes to wear, what toys to play with, what crayons to color with, what fruit or snack to eat etc.
7. Distract from triggering situations
Anticipate your child’s actions and limitations. Knowing what tempts and triggers your child would help in avoiding unpleasant situations and their acting up. Try to distract them by steering off or leaving the areas of temptations and triggers.
8. Avoid hitting and screaming at your child
Discipline your child without hitting or screaming them. When the child starts to act up or yells, try to calm him/her down by talking to them softly and comforting them. Encourage them to express what they feel in words.
Temper tantrums can be very challenging and worrisome for parents. But, with the above-mentioned strategies and thoughtful planning, we can learn effective ways to brush off temper tantrums before they start, and their likelihood to occur in the future.
Some breather Tips
- Do not panic and try to stay calm when your child resorts to temper tantrums.
- Be patient with your child in all circumstances and avoid giving any physical punishments.
- Avoid being harsh with your child and give your child some space.
- Avoid saying ‘NO’ always.
- Remember that your child is not acting up or throwing a fit deliberately.
- Try to understand the underlying cause of his/her temper tantrums.
- Communicate, console, and give reassurance to your child when they have meltdowns.
- Do not give in to your child’s unreasonable demands and desires.
- Do not bribe them with treats or rewards just to make them quiet or get rid of the temper tantrums.
- Be firm and consistent in dealing with the temper tantrums.
- Have a clear plan on how you’ll deal with the temper tantrums effectively.
- Focus on putting your plan into action when the child lashes out, be it any situation or place.
- Keep in mind that you can’t control your child’s emotions or behavior instantly and directly.
- Keep in mind that temper tantrums are a part of a child’s development and the tantrums taper down as the child grows older.
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References
Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.).Temper Tantrums. Retrieved May 07, 2020, from
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/14406-temper-tantrums
Miller, C. (n.d.).How to handle tantrums and meltdowns. Retrieved May 07, 2020, from https://childmind.org/article/how-to-handle-tantrums-and-meltdowns/
Wallace, M. (2015, June 05). Managing Tantrums-A tantrum is your child’s form of protest. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-raise-happy-cooperative-child/201506/managing-tantrums
