We often hear people motivating others by saying stay positive, positive vibes only, delete negativity, and much more. But do you really think forcing these thoughts on someone will make him feel better? Obviously not.
Just like anything is done in excess is harmful to us, similarly, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience it becomes TOXIC.
Humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. Sometimes life can just flat out suck. By pretending that we are “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience. Alternatively, toxic positivity will make you believe that you ‘shouldn’t’ feel uncomfortable and that something is wrong with you.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
- Hiding/Masking your true feelings.
- Trying to “just get on with it” by stuffing/dismissing an emotion.
- Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel.
- Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements.
- Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience.
- Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity.
- Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It is what it is”.
The Dark Side of Positivity: Toxic Positivity
What’s the harm in Toxic Positivity?
![I'm [not] Fine. – Literature Is My Porn](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/Z8dySRIcfqTNYUotBMBztasE15U7k8jR1t7OaWXNTUyA7VoYE09FieWsIOgRMQmDq6o6IPNdllDrE5nYYswq_yzo2ZoN4mY5o2rYdHJLCmXrd2YGTXSEdrNqsqaPCn6JbgUyCNI)
Toxic positivity cheapens the human experience and makes us feel invalid for falling into the wrong binary state. It can bring on the shame that you are ‘flawed’ or ‘broken’ if you don’t happen to think positive thoughts all the time (which is impossible, by the way—we’re just not hard-wired that way). It’s a basic human tendency to react towards the things happening around and the reactions cannot always be positive or happy.
You cannot feel the same every time, you can be sad, depressed, anxious, furious, and whatnot. Then why to just force yourself to be positive? It is absolutely okay to feel things and react the way you want. One cannot always brush your concerns, sometimes it’s okay not to be okay and accept it rather than forcing yourself to be positive 24*7 and hindering your mental health.
Now, what can be done to deal with Toxic Positivity?
Just because we want to feel our negative emotions doesn’t mean we have to dwell on them forever. There are healthy ways to cope and start to move forward without turning to toxic positivity.
The first and the foremost thing is to accept the situation and then move towards the solutions, without accepting no changes can be bought in oneself. Practicing mindfulness can help you identify and respond to how you’re feeling in a healthy, compassionate way.
- Avoid ignoring or stuffing your emotions.
- Remember that feelings aren’t mutually exclusive.
- Be realistic.
- Open up to others about your feelings (only with the ones you think will understand you.)
Being healthy human involves being conscious of ourselves and how we show up in the world. If you recognize toxic positivity the time’s now to cut it out of your life.
It can be really hard to speak your truth to someone when you are already in pain. Hopefully, the other person realizes what they’re doing, listens to you, and honors your feelings. If not, it’s completely fine, MINDS HEALER is there to heal you and bring you out of your mental trauma.
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References:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-positivity-during-the-pandemic
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210302-tragic-optimism-the-antidote-to-toxic-positivity
