Intersectionality Between Female Sexuality and Psychology : A Simplified Guide

Female Sexuality and Psychology are interconnected in various ways that we may or may not be aware about.

Sexuality – this term alone brings up a number of synonymous terms and subjects into our minds. Subjects that are usually considered taboo in our society, terms that are talked about under the hushes. This one topic encompasses a wide range of other topics like sex, gender identity, gender roles, eroticism, pleasure, sexual orientation, intimacy and reproduction. To further narrow it down, in this article we will be talking about one specific topic. Female Sexuality. Probably the only topic which is considered “unholier” than sexuality.

Femininity, since the beginning of times, has never been in the mainstream. As girls or women, we’re taught from a young age how to dress appropriately, how to speak appropriately, how to act appropriately – in a nutshell, how to always live to please the people around us. As we grow up these appropriations turn into our norms and any deviation from them leads to us being judged by – you guessed it – the society!

We learn to either abide by these norms or be judged and humiliated for not following them, our space for growth is taken away from us from the very beginning. And ultimately to avoid the judgment, the humiliation, the pointed fingers, we choose to live by the rules. Female sexuality is a huge fragment of femininity, and in order to embrace the latter, it is important to accept the former.

sexuality is subjective and a common concept

Women have always been looked at as sexual objects, but once we voice our sexual preferences or talk about our sexual appetite, suddenly “We’re asking for too much” or “You’re a woman, you aren’t supposed to talk/ask about these kind of things” or “OH MY GOD ARE YOU A SEX ADDICT?!”. No. None of these things, in fact.

The idea of women simply being an “eye-candy” has been around since a long time. This successfully perpetuates that women only exist to fulfil a man’s sexual desire and are not allowed to have any of their own. Female libido and desire have been neglected to a point where today, even in the 21^st century, women all around the world feel awkward talking about what they want or prefer.

Sex has always been a subject area where men are supposed to thrive, and women are supposed to stay passive. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of stigma around men too, like they’re not manly enough, not “masculine” enough and what not, but when it comes to sexual encounters, women are expected to be desired by men and men are expected to be pleased by the woman.

Female Sexuality and Psychology : Where do they collide?

This stigma around female sexuality is jarring for a lot of young women, since once they reach their age of maturity and there is a whirlwind of hormones inside their body, they have no clue what is happening to them. This lack of information, more so than often, leads to feelings of guilt, inhibition, and shame. We end up repressing our emotions.

Repression – a concept developed by the infamous psychologist Sigmund Freud, was part of his theory of psychoanalysis. It was the central idea around which he developed the entire theory. According to this theory, our personality structure comprises of three major parts – id, ego, and superego.

Id is the raw, primitive, demanding part of the mind, asking for instant gratification and does not care about societal norms; examples include sex, aggression, hunger etc. Superego is the part that primarily works on moral grounds and values and is extremely conscious of the societal norms. Ego is the part which creates balance between the two and ensures they both get equally involved in decision making in the reality. To summarize, id creates demand, ego adds reality and superego adds morality.

Female Sexuality and Repression : Here, they collide.

Freud challenged sources which claimed repression as a defense mechanism since he strongly believed that it occurred long before the development of the ego.

The concept of repression explains that the thoughts or memories which could potentially create conflict or feelings of guilt from the superego are unconsciously hidden away in our psyche. This mechanism, in the long run, has been proven to not be very useful since it can create various other problems for the host. Since the feeling of repression is unconsciously hidden away, it can later reflect in the behavioural patterns of the individual as an adult without his/her conscious knowledge of its existence or its impact.

Repressed memories can sometimes come to the surface in the form of what is commonly known in the field of psychology as a “Freudian Slip”, i.e. dreams or slips of tongue. In the long run, repression can lead to multiple issues like anxiety, stress, maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors. However, contemporary psychology believes that this mechanism is usually used to repress memories rather than socially unacceptable behaviors as per Freud’s study.

Going by Freud’s perspective, it is important to normalize young women exploring their bodies at their own pace rather than telling them what is wrong or right ultimately leading them to feel feelings of shame and guilt once they grow up to understand the full functionality of their bodies. Our sexuality is a basic human trait and it needs to be generalized more in our society rather than shooting the conversation down as a taboo subject. In order to push these conversations into the mainstream it is crucial to clear some of the prevalent myths that exist in our society regarding male and female sexuality.

SR. NO.	MYTH	FACT
1	The presence or absence of a hymen can tell if a woman is a virgin or not.	Many women are often born without a hymen, strenuous physical exercises during adolescence can cause the hymen to break.
2	Male sexuality is biological and female sexuality is psychological.	Men too, have emotional and other psychological aspects that need fulfilment. They’re not always only looking for a “one-time fix” or instant gratification of their primal wants.
3	On the gender spectrum – all gays incline towards the feminine extreme while all lesbians incline towards the masculine extreme.	Sexual orientation or preferences of an individual is not related to their personality traits or their gender identity.
4	Men have a higher libido.	Libido cannot be justified by what gender they identify with. Studies have shown that women often have a libido equal to that of men, if not more.
5	Men always have to claim the more dominant role in a relationship, while the female should stay passive.	Gender roles are not this rigid. They’re very flexible and any gender can adopt any role as per their natural instinct. This norm only perpetuates another aspect of toxic masculinity where the men feel immense pressure to always feel in charge while on the other hand women suppress their natural instincts to fit into the societal expectation of what it means to be a “woman”.