10 UNIQUE WAYS TO DEVELOP PERSONALITY

The most popular British children series of all times- HARRY POTTER is something that teaches even adults a lot about how to face challenges in life. However, each and every character has something which is unique to only them, be it Harry’s courage, Hermione’s intellect, Ron’s loyalty to his friends and family or Draco’s arrogance. They all exhibit the distinctive and enduring behaviours that define personality– a person’s characteristic pattern of thinking, feeling and acting. Like these characters, all of us have something that is distinctive and special to us. That is what forms our personalities.

Until recently it was believed that personality is permanent and cannot be altered. But this view does not hold true in recent times with a lot more research coming in. Researchers have realized that we as humans have the choice of selecting which traits or characteristics of ours we want to work on and develop as a part of our personality. So when we say “that’s not me”, “I would not say something like this” or “I would have handled the situation differently”- it’s our personality which is being reflected. 

There are a lot of factors that influence the development of our personality right from the birth, rather inception. Yes, I am not kidding. The pre-natal, along with the post-natal environment impact us. Personality in psychology is a very wide area with so many theories providing different perspectives (which would require another write-up to explain). So rather than providing my readers with the traditional and expired ways to develop personality (as the title suggests- “unique”), I would be focusing on ways which are more inclined towards grooming your inner self rather than the outer one. So without further ado, here are 10 unique ways to develop your personality:

1. MAINTAIN YOUR PRIMARY RELATIONSHIPS: 

Man is a social being and therefore cannot survive without close, meaningful relationships. The primary relationships usually constitute our immediate family members vis-à-vis your parents and your siblings plus your true friends. Personality development begins right from the birth of the child and the utmost importance is given to the bond that the mother and child share. That relationship forms the lens through which the child views the world. So if the bond is emotionally fulfilling for the child to feel safe and secure, this idea of love would be ingrained in the child’s personality.

On the contrary, if the child is deprived of this love (which could happen for many reasons) it is possible that it may unconsciously affect the personality development of the child. However, this does not mean that the personality is eternally damaged. One strong, emotionally stable relationship with the child would be helpful. This information could be of utmost use for the new to be parents.

For other adults like me, you can still work on your relationships by communicating your needs to them. Of course, it will take time but eventually it will happen. When you know that you have a support system to fall back on, it adds a sense of confidence to your personality. The confidence gained in one area of your life (personal) may also spill over in other areas (work) and add to your overall personality.

2. BE EDUCATED:

Read that once again. I said educated and not literate. And by education here I don’t mean the type of schooling that an individual experiences. Being educated is being open to learning with a thirst for knowledge. Be it any field- medical, engineering, law, psychology, business, designing, marketing, dance, music, theatre, painting, cooking or any damn thing in the world. Just don’t stop with the minimum requirement of getting a degree. 

It leads to not just academic development but it also leads to an intellectual and social development which helps in building an attitude. The attitude gained helps in colouring every aspect of our experiences and in turn adds very substantial contribution to our personalities.

It is through education that we cultivate the habit of developing our capacities to their full potential. The refining process of education makes us adapt and adjust well to our environment, adding to our personalities. And if one can explore fields, other than the one you expertise in, that would be the icing on the cake as it will broaden your horizons and allow you to see the world from unconventional and fresh spectacles. 

3. READ, READ AND READ:

Education and reading go hand in hand. By reading you are actually learning. However, the habit of reading is declining day by day, especially in children. With the upsurge of technology, a dozen options of entertainment are available and therefore very few want their dose of entertainment from books.

Research has proved that reading helps in building the personality characteristics like imagination (by transferring us to some magical land or any part of the world), critical thinking (by helping us monitor our judgements) and also helps in increasing concentration.

Reading also helps us in looking at things from different perspectives. How does this work? Let me give you my example, I tend to pick up particular positive characteristics or nuances of the characters that I am fond of and try to blend it with my personality which has proved very beneficial to me in increasing my self-esteem. So for me, reading any book, of any genre is a learning experience.

To know more about how reading can help in personality development read: http://www.jstor.com/stable/20196741

4. PRACTICE OPEN COMMUNICATION:  

In my opinion, communication is the key to maintaining our relationships. Communicating your preferences and likes will help you build a transparency in your personality, which in turn makes you approachable. The word of caution here — be mindful of not only what you are saying but also how you are saying. The expressions, rather the emotions are broadcasted to everyone and are visible without your knowledge.

Communicating your needs to your partner, your boss, your colleagues or even to your friends will help them understand things from your perspective and reduce the chance of unnecessary conflicts which usually arise from misunderstandings.

At the same time, be open and actively listen (not just hear) so that you are able to understand from their point of view as communication is a two-way process. Thus, being honest and open-minded will add to your character and help your interactions with fellow humans. 

5.PRACTICE GRATITUDE:  

By definition, gratitude is being thankful and kind to others. I cannot stress enough on this quality to inherit as a part of our personality, because believe me it does wonders. A word of appreciation would be a small thing for the one giving it, but could change the way the receiver saw the world. From being invisible to not only being visible but acknowledged can bring a new hope for the one on the receiving end.

Do not think that it does not add anything to the giver’s personality. Practice it and see how it feels and that feeling would make you humane, and not just human. Charity begins at home, thus go right now and say thank you to your parents. 

6.KEEP A JOURNAL FOR A SELF-CHECK IN: 

I know, I know some of you might feel that you are not good at writing and are comfortable keeping your thoughts to yourself. I belonged to the same category. But I gave it a try and it has brought about some substantial changes in the way I now handle situations. It allows me to gives my thoughts a structure.

Also, sometimes when I am writing in a flow, the unconscious thoughts come to the surface making me aware of them. This process has given me such insights about myself and led me to a self-exploration exercise which has definitely added the quality of being more observant of my surroundings.

It also helps one to be in touch with their emotions, which is a major part of one’s personality, but unfortunately no one teaches us how to regulate them (not control). So journaling helps in accepting the thoughts as just thoughts and then committing to change these thoughts if they are undesirable or harmful to one self. I would clarify here that it worked for me, and it is possible that it might not work for you and ultimately it is your call. But don’t give up without trying. 

7.SET FLEXIBLE BOUNDARIES: 

By definition, boundaries are the psychological limits that are set in all the relationships. Treating everyone with respect and dignity (without the consideration of the status, post, gender, socio-economic background, caste, religion, or the race) is a basic human responsibility. Unfortunately, people forget this and often “cross their limits”, especially in case of conflicts. So when one sets their boundaries, they are not only restricting the other person from entering but also safeguarding themselves.

We, as children have already developed these boundaries unconsciously in the form of defenses. However, if these defenses continue to come up in our adulthood, they cause unhealthy and dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaving. So boundaries are a conscious way of preventing these detrimental patterns to continue.

How to build these boundaries? To be honest I didn’t have the answer for this until recently, when in a conversation with a friend I realized that if we initiate such spaces (for instance, texting a colleague to know when they are free to get on a call with you), they start reciprocating/mirroring the same space for you.

The word that is neglected in the above discussion is ‘flexible’. Rigid, strong and non-permeable boundaries will be too limiting. By practicing the art of flexibility, one learns the discretion to allow someone or something depending on the circumstances. The implementation of this will add one of the most important characteristics to your personality- empathy in the sense that one is actually able to understand what the other person is going through and thus gives them the time and space to get back to them.

8.BE ETHICAL:  

Another important and a very significant aspect of one’s life is, following the rules. ‘Rules are not meant to be broken’. If they were supposed to be broken, they would not have been formed in the first place. The unethical practices in every profession is on the rise, and it’s not just about the money anymore. By being ethical, you are adding integrity to your character which is the need of the hour. 

9.TAKE TIME OUT FOR SELF-CARE: 

In the fast paced life of living in a cosmopolitan city, working 12 hours daily from Monday to Friday and sleeping throughout the weekend, there is hardly any time left for self, right? I can entirely relate to that. Struggling to get an extra 10 minutes of sleep every day, struggling to have a work-life balance, struggling to reach places on time, struggling to find a cab, struggling to finish assignments on time, struggling to meet your friends, even on weekends and there are a lot more struggles in our everyday life. But these struggles don’t define us, what we do in spite of these struggles is a defining factor.

Our self is our entire personality. So caring about one self, will definitely add to our personality.  Self-care need not be fancy like going on a trip every weekend or learning a musical instrument (though it could be one of those), but it could be as simple as having a cup of coffee with your favourite music or oil massaging your hair.  

It can be something that you find solace in and at times also unleashes your creativity. Creativity forms a significant part of problem-solving. So if this characteristic is ingrained in your personality, it will be helpful in finding alternative solutions. But again I know you will ask ‘who has got the time?’. The answer to this lies in two things:

a) structure your day every morning

b) practice the flexible boundaries.

These two techniques will definitely help you out. 

10.BE SELF-AWARE:

This might sound quite silly as knowing your personality is all about knowing yourself. But what I mean here is if you have not been provided with opportunities to know yourself, you can practice the above mentioned points. In addition, you can also go to therapy. Yes, you read it correctly.

Therapy is often a tabooed and a grossly misunderstood concept worldwide as well as in India. It is often viewed as an extreme option of not being able to handle the stress that life-events are causing. But in actuality, you can approach a therapist to know yourself better too. There are a variety of instruments available, (one of them being the personality tests, often used for the diagnosis of personality disorders) which help you explore your identity, making you aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing ‘Who am I?’ will provide answers to many of your questions. 

To know more about the myths about therapy/counseling visit: https://www.mindshealer.com/mental-health/importance-of-counseling/

In conclusion, knowing your personality could be a long process, but not an impossible one. And the development of this personality is only possible after having knowledge about oneself. So self-exploration is the key to development. Just to be clear, the above mentioned points are very general and it is possible that a few of them won’t work out for you. And you know why? because it might not suit your personality. Nevertheless, don’t stop working on yourself, keep looking for alternatives. You may never know, what that exploration process has in store for you. Keep looking! Keep exploring! Keep experimenting!

REFERENCES:

• Creativity as personality development
  Author(s): Harold H. Anderson : http://www.jstor.com/stable/24234377
• Infancy and personality development
  Author(s): Joyce Cornish-Bowde: http://www.jstor.com/stable/42723407
• Personality Development through Reading Author(s): Elva E. Knight: http://www.jstor.com/stable/20196741
• The Guide to Strong Relationship Boundaries

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